A note. Many of us were created at a very young age yet how do we know how our mind worked back then. Some of what we know about each other seems quite sophisticated for a young child’s mind to create. We do not understand this fully yet and it is most likely that what we do understand at this time has been refined over the years. For example, Annie Charlie was made to carry and preserve the good things in childhood such as curiosity and the delights of discovering the world around us. But could we give her those traits at the early age of 1? Probably not. However, something happened early on, something was created. It is that essence we have to work with, a strong belief that each of us carry within ourselves.
Another example is Griffin-CHLD. He was created at 6 weeks of age, when we were separated from our mother. But it is highly unlikely that we understood such abandonment back then. Probably all we had then was some feeling of shock and pain, a sense of something missing, and something longed for. Then over the years as we understood more and more of the world, we came to know what that pain was, and we eventually found a name for it. So bear with us as we tell you why each of us was created. So much happened to us but we can’t prove most of it. We can only go by our guts and our heart, the feelings we have when we think of one of us or the feelings that alter carries with them. Each of us was created for a reason, a very good reason, and that we know for sure. We can feel our creation and know our pain. That is all we can give you. Don’t go looking for absolute truths. We tried. This is the best we have, the most that we know.
Another note. While the groups emerged in sequence, not every alter in each group emerged at the same time as the rest of the group. There were stragglers for almost every group. The reason for this? We think it’s because some were not ready to emerge when the others in their group were.
THE OTHERS was the first group to emerge and make themselves known – December 7, 1990. They were the ones who had the most contact with the Outside world, were more active than other alters deep Inside. They were closest to the surface if you will.
was about 2½ years old when she emerged. She was created by 2 alters called The Source to deal
with sexual abuse by the first foster father and was created right after Annie Charlie endured an episode of abuse and is said to be Annie Charlie’s twin. Interestingly she has not grown up as fast as Annie Charlie and is currently 13 years old (as of January 2011), whereas Annie Charlie is now 21. This is mostly due to how much time an alter is “out” and directly in contact with the Outside World (we call you folks “The Outsiders”). Amanda has had very little contact with Outsiders but she has aged a little.
was also about 2 ½ years old when she emerged, and also created by The Source to deal with sexual abuse by the first foster father. However, after the first episode of abuse, The Source decided that “childhood” must be preserved in some way. Thus Annie Charlie. And what a gift. She was able to be a “happy” child, to know trust and innocence and forget anything bad that had happened to her. That got buried.
Over the years she made friends with Outsiders who we felt were safe. She became very attached to Lance, to our son Graham, to our friend Sarah and to our psychiatrist Lyn. And she trusted many of us Inside as well. She became best friends with CF and they played together almost all the time. She allowed people to love her, to cuddle with her and play with her. She had things that she loved such as raspberry frozen yogurt, chocolate, and the rabbit dolls we owned. Every once in a while she would behave as a little girl would and throw a temper tantrum about something. But only once in a while. Patience once wrote “I think her very act of asking and receiving what she needs helps the whole System move closer to trusting the right people in order for us all to heal.”
was 13 when she emerged and was created by an alter named n’i (pronounced “nigh”) to deal with an older (by five years) cousin’s decision to teach us about sex. Little did he know we already knew plenty. She was an angry and rebellious teenager when she first started coming out. She wanted nothing more than to defy authority. But over time she matured and began to take care of younger ones Inside as they emerged. She also became somewhat of a spokesperson for them. Even to this day, she spends a lot of time explaining the world to the younger alters.
She knew about Othel, Shell and Tir when we were in our teens and thus knew we were multiple. She was the social butterfly in high school and retains an amazing memory of the kids we went to school with back then. She knows their first and last names, how they dressed, who they hung out with.
When Shell was having a hard time with Emergence she was there supporting her. She is still the one who says “I don’t do depression” so that when we are feeling really down, she gets us out of the house and going for a walk or to the library. It always works to some degree.
She is now 34 years old.
Was 38 when she emerged and had a very unique role in the system. She was created very late in the game, September 11, 1989 – a little over a year before The Others began emerging. Why? Because we needed someone to take over Shell’s role, to continue to present a facade to the world as still somewhat “normal” and to hide what was going on internally. Some alters knew there would be absolute chaos when we began to emerge. We still needed to make it to the grocery store to buy food. We still needed to take care of our son. We still needed to go to school, even though we had to quit eventually.
Some Inside knew that Shell would not be able to handle such an upheaval once our multiplexity was known so Una created Arwen to take over when needed. To present a front to the world. And to provide some continuity. She has done her job very well.
CF (Child of Five)
Was created by Razor Man and was the first of us to tell her story. Upon Emergence, she began to confide in our counsellor, John, and told him what she could remember about the abuse our stepfather rained on her. And John was so good and kind and patient with her. CF was only 5 years old when she emerged but she was very mature and quiet for her age. She had a heavy burden and she carried it like a real trooper. When she had told as much as she could, we released her, told her we would carry the hard stuff now, so that she could begin to be a child. We told her to go and play and that’s what she did. She and Annie Charlie became fast friends and played and played and played.
Her favourite colour was pink and she was a princess. She was the first one we bought a gift for – a rabbit doll she named Anastasia.
is our most spiritual alter. She emerged when we and she were 37. She was created by The Source to help create a structure for our system. She has long blonde hair, is beautiful and ethereal – a light shines behind her and emanates from her. We consider her our “highest self”, and what we most aspire to. To have compassion for all living beings.
Griffin-CHLD (also known as The Beast of Rage, Rage)