35. Switching personalities

We thought that you might like to know how switching from one alter to another looks and feels. When one alter is dominant, “out”, or present with Outsiders (that’s you guys) there is one configuration or presentation. That alter is said to be “up front”, or some multiples call it being “in the body”. The media has done a great injustice by portraying multiples as obviously switching all the time. Of course, in a movie you probably wouldn’t know otherwise.

But switching can often be quite seamless. When we were first emerging in 1990, switching was slow and often awkward. We were not used to such fast changes in who was coming out. In the past, we usually had time to hide the change. So at first, we would close our eyes during the transition. One time we were videotaped. Annie Charlie (1) was on camera. The woman running the camera did not know about our switching but she happened to zoom in on Annie Charlie just as she was switching with CF (1). There was a brief moment that Annie Charlie closed her eyes and the next moment a softer and quieter child appeared. Our psychiatrist was there and she knew right away that CF had come out. It was an amazing piece of footage.

As the years went on we managed to switch more subtly. However, switching can look different for different multiples. For some it might be seamless, for others very obvious. There might be rapid cycling where alter after alter comes out quite quickly. This is sometimes called a “revolving door” for obvious reasons. For some alters, they may be confused and disoriented when they first come out or the system might have developed a way to communicate and ensure a more continuous change.

In terms of control, switching may be caused by something going on internally or caused by something external taking place, called a trigger. This is usually something that reminds the person of a past traumatic event and necessitates the appropriate alter coming out to deal with the situation.

Here’s a list of some things a multiple might feel just before or during switching: headache, pressure inside their head, stiff neck, pupil dilation, pressure behind the eyes, blurry vision, eyes more sensitive to light, lightheadedness or dizziness, chills, ears ringing, a feeling of their body changing in height or weight, change in mood, thought patterns changing, objects and people looking different, face looking different in the mirror, light seems to change in the room, can’t concentrate or think clearly, urgency to do something, thoughts becoming louder. And probably many more sensations.

For you on the Outside, you might notice a change in the person’s face or in their body. Their facial expression might change, or their gestures. They may shrink more into their body or suddenly seem to be taller. They might jiggle a foot nervously or giggle like a child. If you get to know the person better you may detect any number of subtler signs that tell you the person has switched. You may even get to know who has come out. Lance and Graham have certainly gotten better at it over the years.