Psychic Surgery
Vigil
The Children of the Thirteen (3) lie in a heap, their black cloaks draped around them. They all look as if they are sleeping. Gabriel (3) says they are extremely exhausted. At times he speaks softly to them. Crystal (3) moves slightly, as if to acknowledge that she hears him. The others do not move at all. The room is heavy with their silence and stillness. It is a time for us to watch over them. Some of us volunteer to just be in the room with them so they know they are not alone. Their pain is a sinking stone within us. The weight enormous. It feels like this is the worst thing that has ever happened to us and these small beings are the ones to carry such a burden. Some of us are afraid they might die. Some of us do not understand how such young ones can bear this. And so .... we wait.
A vigil. And it affects all of us. This is the Remembering ...
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We notice that Othel (1) has become quite obsessive about his latest project, one he began months ago and suddenly decided to resume. His obsession looks very much like PANIC. We ask him if he might be willing to write a “biography” of himself. He would like to but is quite scared of doing so. He admits he has stuck his head in the sand for now. Sheer PANIC.
Tir (1) is very quiet these days. She often will simply sit, saying nothing, just staring down at her hands.
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They relinquish their hold on the memory. Finally. Surrendering it to the rest of us that we may now know it, that we may now feel it, that we may now breathe it, that we may now live it. This is integration of a sort. Bringing it into us, so that it belongs to all of us, becomes a part of us. Integral. This is also the Release. These Children will not carry this burden anymore. And soon they will be able to play as children, will worry about knee scrapes and fights over toys. They will be cuddled and comforted. And they will sleep at night, in beds of ease, free of fear, free of the torment. They have been so very brave and strong. They saved our life.
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The river runs so deep. It carries mystery and unanswered questions. It does not stop for anything but is always moving, always changing as we are evolving and becoming, as life energy must continue to flow within us. No one and no thing can stop it. If we try to block it, it will find another way. We don’t know where this river is headed. We don’t know where it, or we, will end up ... if there is an end. It is more dream than anything else. A dream that is waking us up, calling us to another reality. The real reality. If that is possible.
There is still so much work to do. The mouth is beginning to open more and more, the cry, the wail, coming with more force. Some day that cry will be more than one. Some day that wail will belong to the world and all of us will grieve over the loss of our children’s innocence. Some day the desire for power over another will end. Some day we will not look for revenge. Some day we will all care.
We realize and agree that Othel’s obsession is not a waste of time. It has value. There is method in his madness for sure. There is purpose. We are not sure we can describe its purpose yet but it doesn’t matter. We did argue about it the other day, some believing there is more important work to do elsewhere. But each day it becomes clearer that it is a struggle within that has always been there. What Othel is doing is finding the balance for us. Even play has its purpose. Whether it is an escape from something, or a practice and preparation for some other task, it doesn’t matter. It is all about process and we need to trust it. Trust us. Trust our intuition. Trust our spirit guides. Trust our voices within.
We ask Anna, the woman who ran the support group for multiples, about the “beacon” in our head. She says she has heard of other multiples who have had something similar, something that prevents you from talking about the abuse. A sense of being monitored.
The Shout for Power. That is what Gabriel (3) does now. Standing on that mountain, raising his arms to the heavens, he opens his mouth and a sound comes forth. It spreads wide over the land. Is heard far away. And we become bigger. Bigger than ourself. Encompassing all.
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Although they have brought their memory forth, The Children continue to be still and silent. And so the Vigil continues as well.
Letty (2) is having a rough time with all the things that are going on. She doesn’t talk to any of us, won’t let anyone near her. She wants to stay in her own room in the Cocoon. So we give her the space. We think she is feeling much grief and sadness from The Children and it is almost unbearable for her. For many of us.
Gabriel is also having a hard time being with The Children. The pain is so intense. Old Self (2) is often with him, supporting him. They go off to talk. She is calm and confident The Children are healing, bit by bit. She burns sage around them. Belle (3) too is deeply affected by The Children as she takes part in the Vigil. She cries quietly and often. Sometimes she goes for walks by herself. Other times she sits close to Gabriel. Rebecca (1) is able to be more detached, to stand back a little from all the pain. She brings us calm and some sense of peace.
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Tir comes out with Lance for the first time. She knows who he is and he is very respectful of her and kind. We are glad for the contact. We think Lance is “good medicine” for Tir. She still comes in and out of her own world. We’re not sure how much effect The Children have on her.
We want to have a “birthday party” for Annie Charlie. It feels like she is now 4 years old.
Isa (1) is awake, babbling and “talking”, chirping like a sweet baby bird. Even the cats are wondering what all the chatter is about.
The Children finally wake. They are weak and sleepy. Gabriel talks to them softly. They all seem to be okay.
Dreams
Our therapist, Lyn is asking for some files and wants to learn how we organize them. Today we talk about the dream. We think those files are the information on each of us. We are the “experts” on us, and on how we organize ourselves. It seems the message is that it’s time to reveal ourselves, to show who each of us is.
A cassette tape tangled in the machine. But we do not panic. We take it out and slowly rewind it back in. A muddle in our head that needs sorting out.
We are confronted by a big wolf-like dog. A tiny child is standing on a high tree stump and the wolf-dog is going for it, growling. We grab the child, turn and growl fiercely back at the dog. We know we have to be as fierce and threatening as him. He stays away.
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