Okay, we admit it. We keep track of our statistics about who is reading this blog. It’s a little confusing though as we have two different programs doing the tracking. This Blogger.com program says we just got 12 hits from France. Wow! Cool! But the other program, StatCounter.com has no pageloads from France. Okay. Whatever. It’s still pretty cool. And besides, Othel has always loved anything that looks like statistics, since we were about 10 years old. We told you a little about it in one of our posts but we don’t remember which one. He loves numbers. Math, bookkeeping, statistics.
Yesterday we did everything we could to take care of our health. We didn’t used to do that. When we were feeling depressed it was really hard to care about a lot of things as many people who have experienced depression well know. You just don’t have the energy. But since the beginning of this year we have changed. Yesterday we went for a short run, even though we weren’t feeling totally well, but we had such an urge to run. Some of us just love it. It feels so good. Used to do it on Galiano, just by the driveway up to Lance’s house. We created a circuit, as if doing laps. Just up the road a ways then back down. Then we drew little marks on the ground to keep track of how many laps we did while eagles flew overhead griping at us for running in their territory and the trees gave us all the oxygen we needed for a good run.
So yes we went for a run. Even a short walk later. And we meditated. Did a bit of yoga and our worked with our dumb bells. And we bought more vitamins. And we ate really well. It all felt so good. It took us a long time to get to this point. We hope we can sustain it.
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The title. Well a while ago we read somewhere that there were really only two emotions – love and fear. Not sure we buy that but it’s a handy little tool for something. If we could see these two as some kind of baseline for all emotions, where you could just file all the other emotions under either one of these then you could use it as a test for understanding a little of what’s going on. Say you feel a bit irritated with someone, annoyed even, a bit pissed off maybe. Okay so you’re angry. That ain’t love, that’s for sure. So then it must be fear. Then you can ask yourself – what am I afraid of? Why do I fear this person? And if we go back to Rosenberg’s book on non-violent communication, then you might look at what you are not getting from this person in terms of needs. You might think – well in the past this person has said some mean things to me and I’m afraid that they will do it again and thus hurt my feelings. On the flip side, if you feel kind and gentle, or full of admiration for someone, or you simply like someone a lot, well maybe that’s some kind of love. Maybe.
Anyway, it’s just a thought. We actually have used it in the past few months. We identified two relationships where we could see we felt fear. We told both of those people that they scared us a bit. That’s a tough thing to admit to. It makes you pretty vulnerable. One person responded with her own fear of us. And amazingly there was a connection and a breakthrough. We had both risked being vulnerable with the other and it softened what was between us. It didn’t remove all of our fear but it sure changed things. It can be very helpful to see when you are afraid, to be able to recognize it and then explore that fear to find out what it is you are needing and feel you are not getting. Because then you have the possibility of change and growth, even if it’s only for yourself. Some of it might rub off on the other person.
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Not long ago we talked about getting triggered in the support group. We were able to identify some of our fear. But yesterday we realized that when we facilitate we have a different fear – that when we go over time, don’t finish within the 2 hour allotted time then it means we have not facilitated well enough. We did not have enough control and thus people would be either pissed off at us or think we weren’t such a good facilitator. However, on our walk yesterday we got to talking Inside about it some more, trying to understand these feelings and someone Inside (no, I don’t know who) said the problem is we keep focusing on that, keep focusing on the time. As long as we keep focusing on that then we are going to get irritated, impatient, whatever at anyone who “contributes” to us going over time. But .... , we asked ourself ... is that why we are facilitating? Simply to show how much control we can have? Absolutely not.
We wanted to facilitate because we wanted to be able to create an environment where people can feel safe, can feel others empathize with them, support them, and encourage them. We wanted to play a major role in doing that. When we focus on time, we are taking away from our true goal. As a facilitator we want to be kind, gentle, attentive, compassionate. All of the things we have been given over the years from others. We know how much these things can help and how it can help you move forward in such positive ways in your life. How did we lose track of those goals? How did we get worried about time so much?
Well maybe it’s not so important to answer those last two questions. Maybe it’s more important that we have identified what we have been doing lately, where we lost track of things, and how to get back to what we truly want to be doing. We will be facilitating again this week and we are looking forward to getting back to where we started. We are not beating ourself up about this. We know as humans, we all slide here and there. The joy is in discovering what’s going on and the determination to change our behaviour AND our thinking.
Maybe we were slipping into a place of fear and losing our sense of love. Love for all human beings. Sounds a bit corny but it’s there, deep within us. Ever see the movie “Harvey”? About a man, played by James Stewart, who has an “imaginary” (or not) friend, a very tall rabbit named Harvey. The story is absolutely charming. But it’s Stewart’s role that remains with us. He seemed to “love” everyone. He keeps inviting more and more people he meets over for dinner, much to the chagrin of his poor sister who he lives with. Stewart’s character has nothing but good things to think and say about each and every person he meets, no matter who they are. That is who we want to be because you have only to see him and how happy he is. Fear can take us to such misery while love can bring you ...... well you know. Heaven. Nirvana. Shangri-la. And peace of mind. “All you need is love”. Yeah, right.
Thanks for listening anyway.
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