185. The Mental Health System: Part 1

Art by our friend and neighbour Jillian
(Much like our Phoenix)

On Saturday April 30, we will be taking part in a panel about the mental health system. It is part of MDA’s (Mood Disorders Association) annual family conference. We thought we would tell you what we plan to talk about.

Background

We have been using the mental health system’s resources off and on for about 30 years. However, since 1990 we have been using it much more intensively. That was when we discovered we were multiple and had been abused as a child. To date we have been diagnosed with depression, an eating disorder, substance abuse, borderline personality disorder,  psychosis and of course, DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), previously called Multiple Personality Disorder. We have required a lot from the system.

We have done a lot of therapy and a great variety of things. Most of all, we did 18 years of psychotherapy (or talk therapy). We were fortunate to have a wonderful psychiatrist to work with during that time and she helped us tremendously. We also have done art therapy, dance therapy, went to a drug abuse program, received one-to-one drug counselling, attended a number of support groups, and were in and out of hospitals – VGH, UBC and St Paul’s.

What worked well: our psychiatrist

As we said, our psychiatrist was wonderful. She was genuine, open-minded, validating, kind and caring, went out of her way to help and always held us in “unconditional positive regard”. She always turned things to the positive. Even when we had a big “fight” with her she did her best to see our side of things and remain as compassionate as she could. As well, she became our most important role model. Most of all it was the way she spoke to us. Her words were always kind and gentle. She did not criticize and rarely gave advice. Instead she validated constantly our own experience, and our reality within.

She also saw us as competent in our own healing. Time and time again she would say things like “I’m confident you will resolve this”. And because of the amount of reading and research we did on multiplexity, she honoured us as a bit of an expert on the subject as time went on. She let us have a lot of control of our medication. If we said we thought we needed more she would prescribe more. And if we said we wanted to cut back on something she would also support that. Of course we didn’t have complete control. If she disagreed with our decision she would make it known.

Lyn was not big on hospital care. She didn’t think it could give us what we really needed and tended to see hospitals as a place for medication only and as a last resort. She allowed us to phone her when needed. At first we could talk to her directly but then she changed it to leaving messages. In the message we  could tell her if we needed her to phone us back or not. One of the most helpful things was to be able to leave messages when we were in crisis and feeling very suicidal. It helped so much knowing that she was aware of our state. Plus she would always validate us in that state acknowledging that things were really bad and we were in a lot of pain.

She supported complimentary therapies as well such as working with a shaman, a herbal remedy specialist, Reiki, art and dance therapy. She saw herself as part of a team of support for us. She took no offense when we sought help from others as well. She supported our need to be creative and constantly reminded us that we were an “artist”.

One of the most important things she did for us was allow us to direct our therapy and healing. She did not tell us how to heal. She did not call out different alters to work with. She did not even ask our names when we switched. She did not take control of our process but simply acknowledged herself as witness and support. She focused on our pain more than anything.

She was very clear with her boundaries and reminded us that she was human too and had human emotions. If she was especially tired or not feeling well she would often let us know that she wasn’t on top of her game that day. That made us feel very competent and realize that she wasn’t perfect. She took responsibility for her own feelings and agendas.

She had a good sense of timing too. When things were really bad for us she would point it out and express her concern. Time and time again it made us feel such relief and comforted us greatly when she understood how much pain we were in.

She was so good with those of us who “acted out” negatively, or even threatened her. She acknowledged their pain, validated their feelings, yet was clear about her boundaries and that she would protect herself if needed. All of us felt so safe about that and felt very respected. She worked with us to find other ways for these ones to express their rage, their fears, their wounds. She helped all of us see our value, our strengths and our courage.

She sometimes participated in our working with another therapist. She came to a session we had with a shaman, to one we had with a drama therapist doing a video of us, and to see a psychologist about ritual abuse. Once in a while, she would come to our home because we just could not make it to her office. She also did extra sessions with us when needed. One time we saw her 5 days in a row because we were in so much pain and very suicidal.

We learned so much from her and she has been one of the most significant people in our life. Some of our ways of thinking were changed because of her. Some of our values changed.

Our ending with her is the only thing that remains as a “wound”. Time and time again we talked about our fear of her abandoning us and she would always say she was in it for the long haul. She often cited Dr Richard Kluft, that he believed he would always be there for his patients who were multiple. She led us to believe she would be there for us in the same way. But in 2007 that changed. She closed her practice in Vancouver and moved out of town. Some of us accepted her leaving but many of us still feel angry and hurt by it. Four years later we still find it hard to forgive her. And we still miss her a lot. However, she had to do what she had to do. As she reminded us, she is human and she had to go. She had not foreseen that happening and she acknowledged that she had broken her “promise” to us. We know she felt badly about it.

While Lyn has been the most significant influence on our healing there have been others in the mental health system who have helped tremendously as well. That's next.