18. Other multiples' stories

Keep waking up these days feeling kind of down and sad. Since we went to bed feeling good it must be our dreams. We did have some troubling ones.

A number of people have been recommending a film called “When the Devil Knocks”. About multiple personality. We appreciate people letting us know about it. And at this time we can’t watch it. There are times when it’s just too hard to read a book or watch something about DID. It validates things just a little too much and causes us more pain. While it’s wonderful to see that people are getting more education about the condition it is a very painful subject.

Not to say that people should stop telling us about them. At other times it’s great and we want to see the films or read the books. We read Truddi Chase’s book “When Rabbit Howls” not long before alters began emerging for the first time, back in December 1990. We had been warned that it could be triggering as it has depictions of abuse she suffered. For me-Shell (1), it wasn’t difficult at all. Which is sort of strange. I was somehow able to simply focus on the multiplexity and skim over the descriptions of abuse. I know now that the others Inside helped me do this. Otherwise, I would have been an absolute mess. I was so vulnerable and fragile back then. I didn’t know what the hell was going on except that I was an emotional mess. Anxious, easily upset, hysterical at times, seeing strange things, hearing strange voices in my head. But the others kept me safe while I read Truddi’s book.

In later years we have tried to read it again. But I don’t think we’ve made it through all the way. It was extremely painful to read and to think about. Horrible. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a fantastic book, so well written. That’s the problem. Maybe if it hadn’t been written so well it would have been easier to take. Mind you we probably would have ditched it then. A bit of a no win situation.

We even tried watching “The United States of Tara” on tv a while ago. But you know what? The few minutes we watched was just too light and fluffy, as if being multiple was something fun to do. We resented that. Some people think it’s a fun thing. We have found a way to have fun with it Inside. We have our own in-jokes but the cause of it is not something to joke about. And people need to know and understand a lot more yet before we can make fun of it. Do you see people making fun of AIDS – ever?

So at some time we hope to watch this film “When the Devil Knocks”. Some day. But not today. We’re too much in the thick of it right now. It’s in our face. And it hurts like hell at times. Still.

Thanks for listening.