5a. Types of personalities

Archimedes (4) as The Catalyst

NOTE: Each alter’s name has a number after it the first time

it is on the page to show which group s/he belongs to.

See the right of this page for the group.

 

 

Well it’s our birthday and the weather has been most kind by giving us a gift – snow. We love snow. We grew up in snow. Snow is beautiful. Snow is white and pure and magical. Snow is great. But if it prevents us from getting where we want to go today then we hate snow. Snow would then be bad and a great nuisance. We have birthday celebrations to attend to so snow you better not get in our way.

Did we mention we love snow?

Not all of us have a birthday today. Alters under 13 have their own special day in March. It’s called Kids’ Day and those who will celebrate get to choose whatever food they would like that day, and if they want to watch a kids’ movie and who they want to celebrate with. They also get presents – kids’ presents which is so cool. We started Kids’ Day years ago. Annie Charlie (1) was the first, when she was just 4 years old. We recognized that she was actually maturing and growing up like a normal kid so we thought hey let’s have a birthday for her. From there it led to – maybe we should celebrate all of the kid alters Inside getting older, even though there are a few who have not yet aged.

We’ll talk a bit more about alters aging in a minute. Stoene Boy is tugging our sleeve impatiently saying “tell them about me and Tee Tee and Hartly”.

Stoene Boy, Tee Tee, and Hartly

Stoene Boy (6st) is presently 5 years old. Tee Tee (3) is 10. At some point, a couple of years ago (or maybe longer than that) Stoene Boy began to idolize Tee Tee. Tee Tee was like a big brother to Stoene Boy and Stoene Boy followed him around wherever he went. Okay we can see your puzzled expression already. We have an inner world remember. Not only does it have the city of Kereth in it but it has us in it too. We can see each other inside our head. So we can see Stoene Boy and Tee Tee. Tee Tee has taught Stoene Boy many things and Stoene Boy has wanted to be like Tee Tee when he grows up.

Hartly (not sure which group yet) is about 4 years old. She just popped up in October 2010 which was quite a surprise. Most of us thought we knew about everyone Inside but surprise, surprise we kept hearing a little voice calling to our cat Panda Bear. Except the little voice said “Pandabewwy” (as in Panda Beary or Berry). Eventually it became clear that there was a “new” little one and someone decided to call her Hartly. In the last couple of months Stoene Boy has befriended Hartly and we often see them playing together. Now Stoene Boy gets to play at being “big brother” and teach Hartly the ways of the world. We are so proud of him.

There now Stoene Boy is satisfied.

Alters aging

So, a word about alters aging. We don’t know if other multiples have their alters aging. Maybe some do. The thing is about multiplexity – the sky’s the limit. It starts with a child’s imagination so we have imagined that most of us are growing older. It just feels as if we do.

When alters are created beginning in childhood they can be any age. They do not have to be the age the real child is. They can be older or younger as well, whatever fits. From what we have read, most multiples have an abundance of child alters. When the alter is created, he or she might stay frozen at his/her age even when they finally “emerge” or let themselves be known. From there, the person has the choice of whether to age the alters.

Keeping track of everyone

With so many of us you might be wondering how we keep track of each other. Well dear Othel (1) is our hero when it comes to such a thing. He developed a form that we fill in for each alter. It tells us the alter’s name, any other names he or she goes by, when they emerged (tell you about that a little later), gender, what original group s/he belongs to, if any, what age they are at the time of emergence, what age they are now, who created them (yes more about that later), what year they were created and why they were created. We don’t always know all of that information. There are some alters who we still don’t know why they were created yet. And maybe we might never find out. Also we list any of the current groups alters are in.

Othel loves to organize information. From the individual information sheets he creates spreadsheets so we can look at all kinds of stuff about us. Oh what fun.

Emergence – what it means

When we say an alter has “emerged” it means that they have made themselves known to us. Sometimes we may hear someone Inside saying a name we have never heard before. It might be repeated for days, weeks or months. Then someone might say “Oh by the way, there’s a ‘new’ alter". Now we don’t really mean they are new. They didn’t just get created. It just means they are new to us. That alter was hiding but now reveals themselves to us.

For me-Shell (1, 2), at first it was so overwhelming. The first ones began emerging back in December 1990. From there, 1991 to about 1996 or 1997 it went on and on. At first I would say “no more. I don’t want to know about anymore” but I knew in the long run I would have to know. But it was very hard at first. It was shocking and sometimes left me dazed. I still don’t want to hear about more but when Hartly emerged it wasn’t a shock. It was more of a minor surprise and I, and everyone else Inside, had no problems coping with the new info. At least I don’t think we did.

Who creates them?

That probably varies from multiple to multiple. For one person it might be that the Original Person creates all of the other alters in their system. For us though, many of us went on to creating others to help us through the abuse. So Tir, our Original Person, created a handful of alters, then some of those alters went on to create other alters in order to help them cope with things. Then they went on to create other alters and so on and so on. On our bedroom wall is a huge chart that shows us all and shows who created who. Our system is very complicated that way and it works.

Alters in our system were created essentially for one of two reasons, either they were created to handle abuse or they were created to help us function. Take me-Shell for example. I was created to function, to be an Outside Person, someone who could be a mask to hide what was going on. An alter named Big (4) was created to take care of another alter whose name was Little (4). That’s all Big had to do, just take care of Little. An alter called Shelta (not sure which group) was created to protect and take care of Hartly. She’s called Shelta because that’s the way Hartly pronounces it. it’s really supposed to be “Shelter” but we decided to spell it as Shelta since that’s what Hartly calls her.

Those of us created for a specific function we call "structural" alters. Our own term for it. We made, and make, it possible for us to keep functioning in a “normal” way. We take care of functioning in the external world. Others of us were created to take care of things in our internal world. We have created mechanisms for things like switching, co-presence (more than one alter “out” at a time, being more than one alter at a time), dealing with triggers (that cause us to consciously remember the abuse), keeping the multiplexity hidden, and managing information about us and about our past.

Meanwhile Hartly was created to deal with some abuse. Since she only emerged a few months ago we don’t have a lot of information about her yet but she did tell our friend and pseudo-therapist, Sarah, that she was put in another room one time and isolated. We think she did witness other children being hurt but she has not yet spoken about this. And hey, we are not in any hurry to know even though that would probably be very healing for Hartly much less for all of us. But many of us are tired of knowing. We did so much of that through the years of therapy and it was exhausting. But when it’s time that will be okay.

So an alter is an entity, a being, a self, whatever you want to call it, that has a sense of being separate and individual from the others. She has her own memories, her own history, often her own thoughts, desires, values, likes and dislikes. You could put all of these traits on a sliding scale as some of us have very clear and distinctive traits and are unique in the system while other alters are much more fuzzy. They may have only one desire, maybe only one memory of abuse and that’s all. Or they may hold only one emotion. We have a Miss Angry (1). Guess what she holds. Griffin-CHLD (1) is mostly about rage. On the other hand, Stoene Boy is a very complete personality. He has very distinct thoughts, behaviours, desires, likes and dislikes.

Types of alters

While the sky’s the limit when it comes to creating alters (they can be human, animal, object, spiritual being, whatever) there are some very common type of alters that multiples create. So let’s start with those.

Original Person

We mentioned Tir (1), our Original Person, or Birth Personality. The Original Person is the identity that begins at birth and is the one from whom all other alters are derived. That doesn’t mean the Original Person created all the other alters but that’s where the creation of alters begins. Often this person is not active at least throughout the years of trauma but may surface during therapy. Tir was definitely more active during therapy. In Truddi Chase’s book (When Rabbit Howls), the system believed that the original child died. The abuse was just too much for her. Again, keep in mind that this is a child’s imagination, a reality defined by that child, and with no one to teach that child how to be multiple the sky is the limit. There aren’t really any rules for multiplexity, for who and what you create. This was Truddi Chase’s reality and as far as we are concerned, should be accepted as such.

A moment here. Some professionals say that alter personalities are not real people, they are simply parts of the whole person. Dr Colin Ross, a Canadian psychiatrist, wrote a book on multiplexity and said that the therapist should not “buy into” the idea of separate people. We think there are many professionals who think this way and it kind of pisses us off. We think therapists should accept the reality of their patients/clients. This is our truth. Our psychiatrist, Lyn, did accept us as we were. Otherwise, what’s the pay-off for telling the person their belief is not accurate. Does this help the person heal from the traumas?

Truddi’s therapist wrote “there are significant differences in brain wave patterns, voice tone and inflection, eye responses to stimuli, and other responses to both physical and psychological stimuli among the personalities, even though they are found in the same body. My own clinical observation has noted differences in handwriting, syntax, voice, accent, facial appearance, and body stance”. Also that, “the growing body of data indicates that the personalities ... are quite different and in fact are unique individuals. Voices speak, yet they are not merely internal voices but can be heard by others. Medical conditions have been observed when the body is under the control of one personality that are not present when the body is under control of  another.” ...”medical conditions such as allergy-induced skin rashes, tumors, cysts, severe headaches and even the signs of pregnancy have been noted when one personality has taken over but have disappeared when other personalities control the body.” (“When Rabbit Howls” page x)

Is this idea of not buying into the idea of separate people based on the fear that then we won’t take responsibility for one another’s actions? If so then let’s deal with that. We Webers have agreed that the behaviour of any one of us is the responsibility of our whole system. None of us will shunt any actions off to someone else Inside. We accept responsibility for all of us.

But maybe it is a fear on the therapist’s part that he or she will be seen to be manipulated by the multiple. A fear that their peers will think “boy are you gullible”? Who knows but it doesn’t sit well with us and probably doesn’t for many multiples. It borders on insulting. However, there may be something more to it and a rational reason for it but we haven’t found it in any of the literature yet.

The Host Personality

The next alter we want to talk about is one typically called the “Host”. Here’s a fun one to deal with. In the literature, the host is said to be the one who is mostly in executive control of the person. We take great exception to that and Truddi’s book agrees with us. Shell would be called the host by many professionals but Shell has never been in executive control. She has already told you she is always the passenger, never the driver. In Truddi’s case, they had an alter simply called “the woman” and she seemed very much like Shell. Definitely no control but also “we learn that the woman whom we see much of the time is in truth a facade who initially knew nothing about the others”. (pg viii) Bingo. “The person known as ‘the woman’ is not truly Truddi, but a person who came into being later.” (pg x)

The host is usually described as the “presenting” personality, essentially the one who first shows up for therapy and complaining of depression as well as other things. Shell was definitely the presenting personality and like Truddi’s “the woman” – “had few memories or even an awareness of the sexual abuse. It was the others who held the keys to those memories.” (pg xv) Other descriptions of the host do fit with Shell – an “ambassador” for the system, typically amnestic for the abuse and existence of the other alters and may be a superficial facade created by several alters together.

Inner Self Helpers (ISHs)

The next type of alter that is common to many multiples is called an “Inner Self Helper” or ISH. We have several and probably other multiples have more than one as well. These alters tend to be more serene, rational and objective, possibly even emotionless. They may be incapable of hatred, especially towards the abusers and can be very helpful in the process of therapy. They may have complete awareness of the system’s life history and may even be able to predict their short-term future. They may have an “air of spirituality” about them and often insightful understanding of the other alters.

In therapy the ISH may be able to discuss the multiple’s strengths and weaknesses, and may even tell the therapist what needs to be done to help the person. Frank Putnam in this book “Diagnosis and Treatment of Multiple Personality Disorder” says “The therapist must not be afraid to ‘horse trade’ with the ISH, who will always be protective of the personalities and will see to it that therapy is provided and that the personalities will get the best deal possible. If the therapist becomes stymied, it is recommended that the therapist inform the ISH that special help is needed from that source in order to proceed with the therapy. The ISH will almost never play all of his cards at once. The therapist must learn and understand that for the most part the ISH can do more and exert more influence than the therapist realizes.” Putnam also mentions that ISH alters often lack staying power and can’t stay “out” for any lengthy period of time.

We have one alter who has been the ISH for the whole system. Her name is Patience (1) and she is absolutely wonderful. She fits a lot of the description above and more. She has been nurturer, mother, comforter, and mediator. She has always been the voice of reason. And she is absolutely beautiful. Long red hair. Remember we mentioned finding a card that had a picture of a young woman and it looked so much like Tir who was very much like Ophelia from “Hamlet”? Well one day we found a card that had a young girl on it. Hey, we said, that would probably be what Patience looked like if she was ever a young girl. Then we turn over the card and it says “Patience is a virtue”. Whew! Talk about synchronicity again.

Patience is a virtue

We do have other ISHs but they are only ISHs for a particular group of alters. They all have some of the qualities listed above. Oh one final note about them – they are not all-knowing or all-powerful alters.

Memory Trace Alters

They tend to have continuous memory and awareness in the system so that they can give historical information about the person’s past. Now think back to the DSM’s description of multiple personality, specifically the third criterion. “Inability to recall important personal information that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness”. But what if the system has one of these Memory Trace alters who can supply that important information. Then guess what, the clinician may rule out multiplexity because the person seems to remember the important stuff. God we multiples are smart!

While we don’t apply that title to any one of us there have been ones who have supplied the information when needed. When we talk with some of our friends who we have known for many, many years about things that happened in the past, “Remember when?”, we tap into those who hold such information. If we didn’t do that then whichever alter the person is talking to might say “I don’t remember that” and our memory might look suspicious. At first we had our memories compartmentalized and in separate boxes in The Storehouse (a place in our mind where memories are kept). Once we began emerging though and working with memories in therapy we began to share memories. As Shell, there is so much I don’t remember about the past but I have been given information about it when necessary. And by necessary I mean when we are trying to hide the multiplexity. Of course, forgetting things at this age is more common and thus we can claim “old age” setting in.

Demonic alters

Here’s a fun one. Can’t say that we have any but we read that one survey found 28% of multiples had one of these. In his book, Dr Ross thought they were autonomous alters because the multiple was completely disowning their rage and hatred for those that abused them. Razor Man (1) comes the closest to this as he did hold a lot of rage and hatred for our abusers. But he wasn’t particularly demonic although some of us think he would have liked to been. He really wanted to be scary.

A final word

We want to say, to express how much doing this blog means to us. Back in December 1990 when the first alters began emerging it was very intense. While it was often very scary for many of us, it was also exciting in some strange way. We used to have these dreams about living in a place then suddenly discovering a whole bunch of rooms we didn’t know existed. It felt very expansive, the unknown opening itself up to us, the sky’s the limit. It feels like that now. We have so much we want to tell you and it’s incredibly exciting. When we were in the worst pain through our years of therapy, we held onto that hope that someday we could tell others about this journey, about recovering, about healing and about our inner world. We wanted, and want, to be visible now. Growing up we did not want to be visible and but it hurt to hide so much. It made us feel so very alone. We did a damn good job of hiding too so that no one knew we were multiple except our abusers.

But we have to keep ourself grounded as well. In 1990 and on into 1991 we became very ungrounded. I, Shell, spiralled up into some spiritual and psychotic-type states. I was not at all grounded. And it landed us in hospital a number of times. We don’t intend to walk that path anymore. Meditation helps us immensely. We just started meditating again lately. We haven’t been able to for a couple of years at least. Some Inside get so restless and impatient with just sitting and make it very difficult to meditate. But right now we are all able to sit quietly and simply allow whatever thoughts to come up and then float away. Back to breath.

We will continue next time talking more about types of alters and then about the whole system of alters within a person. At some point we want to tell you about the relationships between alters and about switching from one alter to another.

Until then...

Talk to you later guys. Thanks for listening.