62. The Thirteen

This is the Release

“October 30, 1992: Most recently Caer has begun to deal with memory of ritual abuse. Though she often comments that she is overwhelmed and cannot cope with much more, she seems stronger, more grounded in everyday life and more involved with friends than I have seen her before. She continues to need occasional use of Ativan and Loxapine but less than before. I notice that her episodes of psychosis are less frequent. She is making remarkable progress in therapy and her prognosis is excellent.”

The Thirteen

Gabriel the Archangel

Razor Man

Black Widow

Raven

Flash

Belle

The Mute

The Children of the Thirteen

Crystal

Corey (Crystal’s Shadow)

Alexander

Nigel (Alexander’s Shadow)

Timothy (Tee Tee)

T-Shadow (Timothy’s Shadow)

Numbers 31 to 43. We are introduced to The Thirteen. Someone says they are a “protectorate”. We have never heard of that word before. What does it mean? It is a protector of a weaker country by a stronger country. Are The Thirteen stronger than the rest of us?

Gabriel the Archangel, The Angel of Death, The Prince of Death, The Black Prince – leads The Thirteen out of and through The Gates of Hell. Finally. And we find out why Gabriel was created. He took the abuse for Tir (1), carried it for her. She could not bear it. This is the Remembering. And this is The Grieving.

Ritual abuse. Ritual. A ceremony performed. A routine. Something done for a specific outcome. Ritual abuse is done by many, by a group of people. Usually not just one person. They train you. Take your child mind and twist it, make it perform properly, without question. Compliance is expected, nothing less. And programming. Torturing and hurting so that you fully understand what it is you are supposed to do and that you must do it. You have no choice. If you don’t obey you are punished. Or else you witness someone else being punished. Which is worse?

Who are these fucking sick people? Why do they think this way? What is missing in their life that they must behave like this?

What they want is power. Probably as children they were abused too. They felt powerless ... and they hated it, swore it wouldn’t happen when they were the adults. The ones with power. And on and on the cycle goes, the rituals repeated over and over. Someone has to stop this somewhere. Someone tried. Once.

Writing and speaking about ritual abuse has a feeling of defiance, of standing up to Goliath. Daring to talk about it. Go ahead! Just try to stop us now! The fear gets squashed, mashed beneath our feet. Our breath is free and unrestrained. Spear and shield in our hands. The gods themselves will be very angry. Go ahead! The terror will return though. No doubt. The gods will have their way with us once again. But for the moment we enjoy the rebellion that feels so potent, so delicious, making us giddy, giving us strength. A war we are winning for now. The real battle is still to come.

Patience (1) says one of The Thirteen are trying to keep Shell (1, 2) out. Of Maura? Of knowing something about them?

The memories of The Thirteen are kept in another place, separate from that of The Others and The More Others. Now we have to dig them out and put them in The Storehouse with the other memories.

There are things in our internal world that happen more than once, with different outcomes. When we released The Beast of Rage (1), we took him home with us. Yet there he sits now, with Old Self (2), on top of the mountain which was his prison for so long, waiting. They are now waiting for Gabriel. And for The Children. They finally arrive and silently greet the old woman and her charge. There are no words spoken here though The Children clearly communicate with one another. There are no walls between them. They know that soon it will be time and that this is the Remembering.

A dream full of violence, cruel acts against animals. We turn away only to see a square thing filled with blood. We hear chanting in the background. Then another dream. In the city where we were born, riding on a bus to a place where there are no lights. All we see are stars. We see Mars, red, then it changes to green. We talk to the bus driver about how expensive it is to ride the buses.

Our stomach upset maybe in preparation for memory retrieval, something wanting to emerge. Let’s hope it’s not lunch..... sorry for that.

Black Widow wants us to die. Tries to step out in front of a car but Patience won’t let her.

The poison left us during the night through our dreams. Today we are more clear, a fog has lifted and we have more energy than usual. Even the colours on tv are brighter. There is a sense of relief and accomplishment Inside. We have closed The Gates of Hell, removed all the memories and put them in The Storehouse. It brings us all together, all three groups. We are a team now. Old Self, The Beast of Rage, Gabriel and The Children of the Thirteen are still on the mountain. Are they waiting for someone else or something else? We shall see.