63. The Goals of Healing

Serena's Grief

“Integration” is the word that many therapists have thought of in terms of healing. What does it mean? One definition by Patricia D McClendon is – an ongoing process of undoing all the aspects of dissociative dividedness that begins long before the reduction in the number of alters or distinctness of personalities. It persists through “fusion” and continues at a deeper level after blending into one. She defines “fusion” as the moment that all the alters are considered to have ceded their separateness. She also defines “unification” which encompasses fusion and integration. McClendon also says that while there is a general consensus that integration is a desirable goal it may be an unrealistic one for many multiples. We thank her for that statement. We do not think that integration is the only answer.

Dr Richard Kluft, an American psychiatrist who has worked with multiples for many years, says that it’s a mistake to make integration the focus of therapy. We thank him as well for that statement. He goes on to say that treatment should be aimed at replacing maladaptive behaviours and responses, finding “appropriate” ways of coping and that ideally integration emerges from this. But even if it doesn’t include integration therapy can still be successful if the person has improved functioning. He thinks that integration is more desirable than alters simply co-operating with each other and with their separateness still intact.

Chrystine Oksana, author of “Safe Passage to Healing: A Guide for Survivors of Ritual Abuse”, says that each part needs “to be appreciated to the full extent of their being”, to “assume full humanity”. Isn’t that beautiful? And it fits with our goal to “be all who we are”.

Judith Herman, author of “Trauma and Recovery”, says empowerment is the first principle of recovery, that the survivor should be the “author and arbiter” of her/his own recovery. She also says that the role of the therapist is to help the person complete the job she’s trying to do spontaneously.

So what about our own ideas of healing? First of all we don’t think the multiplexity is the thing that needs to be healed although it seems many people think it is. How many times have you seen “one woman’s triumph over multiple personality!!” The American Psychiatric Association believes it to be a disorder and thus an illness to be healed. But we don’t really see it as an illness. It is a mechanism that was created to survive trauma. When we no longer have to survive, we can look at it as a mechanism for healing from the trauma.

While an efficient mechanism for survival, multiplexity has its problems. When ready to start healing from the past traumas, we can also begin looking at what to do about the multiplexity, whether it’s to integrate into being only one self, or simply trying to find a way to function well. In order to deal with the abuse, the alters need to learn how to work together to do this. They need to learn about each other, learn how to negotiate with each other, learn to co-operate, compromise, appreciate and even take care of each other. In other words, they need to join forces at this time.

We think that you need to figure out what’s effective for your system, what gets you to where you want to go, what helps you realize your dreams and ambitions, what helps you function well in the world. You have to figure out together what you want to do about work, your relationships, your home life, and your health.

The more “negative” alters, those who cause harm, those who are more self-destructive or even suicidal need to be listened to. These alters are incredibly precious. They often carry the most pain. They need to be supported and held and comforted. When this happens, they may turn around and be some of the best allies in the process of healing. They can be an incredible resource if treated well.

Survivors of trauma need safety if they are to heal. It’s one of the first requirements. They need to develop trust in someone, hopefully the therapist, at least in the beginning. They need to know their boundaries are respected, that they are not being forced to respond in certain ways. They need someone to be “witness” to their trauma, someone who can hear what happened to the survivor and someone who can tell them “it’s not your fault”. So many survivors believe that they must have done something wrong to make the adult hurt them.

Remembering what happened is excruciatingly painful and we have needed each other to get through it. There are some of us who decide what to remember and when. Others will retrieve the appropriate memory. Those who have experienced the trauma must relive it in a safe place with a safe person. They must be able to feel what they could not afford to feel at the time. And hopefully they will come to some understanding as to what happened to them. We created a Clean Up Crew to finish the process of remembering. Sometimes we had fantasies of them going to the abuser and telling them to go away and never return to harm us again.

Then there is the grief for the losses we experienced. Betrayal and abandonment are losses. They are the equivalent of death. We created three alters to deal with grief, called The Grieving (4).

Finally there is a re-connection or connection for the first time with the “normal” and ordinary world. The time to make decisions about work, relationships, etc. Time to take care of ourselves. A “coming home” if you like. A time to be awake and alive, to be able to experience joy.

These are only some of the pieces and goals of healing from childhood trauma, and some of the aspects of multiplexity that must be looked at. It is a long hard road, full of terrible pain, but it has tremendous reward in the end. It can be a very profound and spiritual experience as well. It has been for us.