87. Video (Then)

Drawing by Katy Ann

Lyn tells us of a drama therapist who videotapes people. She has a closet full of costumes. Would we like to try? Yes please.

The video is of Annie Charlie (1), CF (1), Black Widow (3) and Tir (1). And us – neutral, The Front maybe or simply Shell (1, 2) alone.

First Annie Charlie and CF choose an outfit together. They are close friends now and like to share. Of course, they choose a princess dress, white crinoline and wide-skirted pink dress on top. A tiara and a wand too. Annie Charlie is first. The therapist, Tanya handles the camera. She has no experience with multiples but talks to Annie Charlie, just like you would talk to a 4 year-old. Asks her all kinds of great questions. What do you like? What’s your favourite food? Who do you like? CF (of course). Annie Charlie is quite full of herself in a joyful way, aware of others around her but very much excited about “Annie Charlie in the world”. She does these funny little knee bends when standing.

Then an amazing thing happens. Tanya decides to zoom in on Annie Charlie’s face just as her eyes close slowly then open. And there is CF. The face softens and rounds. Tanya does not realize that they have switched but we see it clearly. And Lyn can tell too. CF’s voice is soft and quiet. Lyn tells Tanya that it is CF now. Again Tanya asks lots of questions. Both girls are thrilled to be asked so much, for someone to be so interested in them. CF is so pleased to be on the tape. She is becoming braver and stronger each day and certainly Annie Charlie has helped her, but she’s taken the steps herself. Most of her sadness has lifted. She says she would like to do another video but choose an outfit just for herself. To be simply CF. Proud to be who she is.

Black Widow chooses a black dress, a sheer black veil, long black gloves. She tells Tanya a few things about herself. Some of her deep secrets. Despite the veil, she is uncovering a layer of herself. Later, Gabriel (3) tells Black Widow how impressed he is that she speaks on camera, that she reveals herself. He is impressed with her honesty and self control, knows that she is learning to control her anger and her blaming of others. He knows her enough to understand what this takes for her to do this. We all agree that she is courageous although Shell finds it difficult to watch Black Widow and hear what she has to say.

Tir is last. She speaks so softly. She also wears black but dons a dark brown straight hair wig and a straw hat. Very “Tir”. She answers Tanya’s questions, finger on her lips, her trepidation. When she sees the tape later, we’re not sure if she recognizes herself at first. Then she begins her finger on her lips, as if mirroring who is on the tape. On the tape she is clear and coherent. We were afraid that she might have been “out of it” but she wasn’t. Best of all, Tanya does not question Tir’s strange inner world. She acknowledges and accepts Tir as she is.

We really appreciate Tanya for doing this, for working with our multiplexity which she knows little about. Her voice is so soft and light, a gentle sensitivity there. She is very respectful towards each of us and asks some really great questions as well as making some very supportive statements about us. Makes some of us want to reach out and take in more of that nurturing.

This is who we are.