115. A grave mistake (2011)

We made the mistake of reading a couple of articles by two men [August Piper, MD & Harold Merskey, DM] who say that multiple personality does not really exist but rather it is “best understood as a culture-bound and often iatrogenic [therapist induced] condition.” They don’t believe that DID is caused by childhood trauma. They say no studies have proven this. And they say that therapists have simply encouraged their patients to behave as if they have multiple selves. They also claim that the definition of alter personality is too vague and elastic and thus makes a reliable diagnosis of multiple personality impossible.

Suddenly we are struck with an intense and horrible feeling of rage and hurt. As well, one of us says, I wish we had a gun right now. Our pain has pushed us down into a deep hole of depression and despair. A feeling of hopelessness. People like this do not understand or realize the damage they cause by their beliefs. Of course, they are entitled to their opinions and perspectives but it’s all so damn clinical and scientific. Do they know anyone who is multiple? Maybe they do. Maybe they have patients or clients who have believed themselves to be multiple and to have suffered terrible trauma as a child. And maybe those patients or clients have been convinced that they are simply making it all up.

We do not have the energy to do the research to argue with their beliefs. Our psychiatrist never encouraged us to be multiple. She didn’t go looking for alters. She looked for pain. She looked for where we were hurting. She believed in us and in our inner world. Did this cause us more harm. It certainly doesn’t seem so. Look at us now. Look at how far we have come.

We are sobbing as we write this. It’s obvious we shouldn’t have read this.

But why do people like these two men have so much trouble believing in multiplexity and that abuse caused it? Maybe they do not want to believe that so many people have been so wounded as children. But why not? Do they not believe in the holocaust of the second world war. Do they not believe that humans are capable of terrible acts against the vulnerable and the innocent? Yes, we are looking at this from a very emotional place. Not from a scientific and clinical view. We would like to face them and tell them how much it hurts to be disbelieved. Have we been fabricating this for 20 years? Are we in this for some secondary gain? We’re sure they would find some information that would prove we are.

We are just thankful that neither of them were our therapist. We are extremely grateful that we have been surrounded by people who believe and who have supported us and who have cared. People who have not asked whether they are being manipulated and duped. We think that is the fear that makes people like them come to these conclusions. They are scared they are being tricked and their colleagues will think of them as gullible. Whether that’s true or not, we will not read anymore of those kinds of articles. It does not move us forward. It is not healing.

We have friends who are also multiple. We know it would hurt them deeply if we said to them they were making it all up and that their therapists simply encouraged them to be multiple. They have told us too many things about their pasts to make us not believe them. It just isn’t possible to disbelieve them. We cry for them as well as for us. It’s like we were told as a child – no one would believe you if you tell. It leaves those children feeling so alone.

And it makes us so angry. And in so much despair.