164. What is abuse?

"The Creature and His Carnival" by Katy Ann

[Warning: some of this may be triggering]

Abuse is any type of action or behaviour by one person used to gain and/or maintain power and control over another person.

TYPES OF ABUSE

Physical abuse includes

Beatings, whippings, punching, hitting, kicking, scratching, slapping, electroshock, torture, confinement; forced ingestion of drugs, blood, or feces; sleep deprivation

Child sexual abuse is the deliberate exposure to sexual acts. Includes

Forcing/talking child into sexual activities such as oral sex, pornography, intercourse, touching/fondling; even discussing sex in an inappropriate way (if the ultimate intention is to get the child involved in sexual activity or for the person’s sexual arousal – in other words, they get off on talking about it with the child)

Emotional/verbal/psychological abuse includes

Name-calling, put-downs, withholding affection, manipulation, trickery, blaming victim, forcing victim to abuse others so they feel responsible and thus won’t tell anyone

Spiritual abuse includes

Reversal of “good” and “evil”; confusion and destruction of morality; denial of freedom of thought, ceremonies linking child with a spiritual entity such as mock weddings with Satan

THE DEGREE OF DAMAGE

We believe any and all forms of abuse are seriously damaging to the individual. By damage, we mean harm done to the emotional, psychological, intellectual/mental, physical, sexual, and/or spiritual welfare of the person.

However, it is possible for some forms of abuse to be “worse”, i.e., cause more damage, than other forms. Such as

-    the longer and the more often the abuse the more serious the damage

-    penetration – intercourse, sodomy – is more damaging

-    the greater the use of violence/physical force the more damage

-    the age of the child. There is debate whether younger or older children suffer more. Some people believe younger children can “insulate” better, may be more resilient in some way. The literature states that the older the child the less likely they are able to initiate multiplexity. The child must be younger than about 7 to 9 years old to begin splitting into different personalities. This may be because the formation of personality is not so solid at the younger age.

-    the closer the relationship with the perpetrator the more damage, i.e., a family member abusing the child is more damaging than a stranger abusing

-    the greater the span of years between the child and the abuser can cause more damage (we don’t know why this is)

-    a child who “willingly” submits to abuse and “participates” in it is made to feel guilty and responsible for the abuse and thus is more damaged. Do remember that the child is never “willing”. She or he has no choice at that age. A child may be submissive in order to escape punishment and “survive”.

-    a child who tells someone about the abuse and is not helped can be damaged more than if she or he had kept it a secret

-    parental rejection – more damage is caused if the parents react negatively and don’t believe the child, or blame the child for the abuse

-    if “institutional” (school, police, church) response is negative or ineffective, the more damage caused