201 CONSOLIDATION

some of The Beans

CONSOLIDATE – to make solid or compact; to harden or to make dense and firm; to bring together into one close mass or body; to make firm or establish (power). CONSOLIDATION – the act of forming into a firm compact mass, body or system.

So bring everyone close together so no Outsider can penetrate, invade and abuse us anymore. If the walls come down we can move closer together, stand shoulder to shoulder, back to back, side to side. In contact with each other, still as individuals but attached to one another, to say we belong to each other. No one can break us apart. We move together. HOW STRONG IS THAT!!

Lance says that in a co-op, in order to not have everyone making decisions on everything all the time, you have a board or manager who is given the responsibility to decide where you’re going then another group gets you there. There must be ongoing good communication with decisions made so that anyone in our system has the right to say “wait a minute. This doesn’t seem right.” But that “committee” or “board” or “manager” is given the right to make certain decisions and up to a certain extent. So the Elders would the ones who decide where we’re going (which they already do actually) based on the knowledge as well as the amount of wisdom they have. They can be seen as Higher Selves in the sense that they are more psychologically and spiritually developed. The Weavers are mostly the ones who see that we go where we’re meant to plus we have our groups – Art-Works, writers, dancers, etc who are responsible for those areas. They make decisions on things specific to those activities.

There is an art class being offered at Britannia and Art-Works  does want to take it but it still is up to The Elders and in the end, the whole Web. We still have to make sure that it will be alright to do both the dance class and this art class.

From “Living With Your Selves” by Sandra J. Hocking and Company

Goals:

“...it was thought that the only ‘cure’ for multiple personalities was totally integrating all parts of the self. That view is now changing. There are several choices to consider: remaining a multiple, cooperation, joining, and integration.

“It’s important to remember that your goals are the ones that matter. Your therapist may be working towards integration, but your internal system may reject that as an option. What you want is what counts. Just be aware that what you want or decide may change with time.” YES!

She goes on to talk about the options. Remaining a multiple – the literature suggests that those who do “also retain a certain amount of unresolved trauma”. We guess this is quite possible but is it always true?

There may be a number of reasons why a system chooses to remain multiple as well. Maybe the system cannot take anymore of the healing process. It becomes too painful and they need to back off. We wonder if this has happened to us although in the end we had no choice as our therapist closed her practice. But even before that there was a sense that we had really slowed down and possibly even became stuck. What ensued then? Depression. We were probably pretty exhausted as well. 17 years of therapy is a lot of work and a lot of pain to deal with. Maybe we just plain pooped out.

Supposedly some multiples choose to remain multiple because they see integration as a loss of the alters, a kind of “death”. Or some people fear that if they get “well” the therapist will no longer be interested in them. Or they are afraid that being a “singleton” (one person) will change the relationships they have established. There is also the fear that they are losing their defense mechanism. How will they protect themselves then if they can’t dissociate? As well, some of us just like being multiple. For whatever reasons.

What about cooperation? What does that look like? Hocking says it’s where everybody Inside knows everyone else. They watch out for each other and everyone works together for the benefit of the whole system. “It’s like holding hands on a large scale”. This is most what we are like and want to continue to be like. This way we all get to continue to be ourselves. No one “dies”. We know that there are disadvantages to this such as not everyone agreeing on things. But singletons can have the same problem where they are conflicted about something. Any community has the same problem as well, where people don’t always agree on something. So you find a way to work things out. Often what we do is when there is a question about doing something we ask if anyone has a problem with it. If someone says they really don’t want to do it and especially if it’s quite upsetting for them we end up not doing it. Sometimes we do go ahead despite this but we try to work it out. But yes, it can be a big problem when alters don’t want to cooperate. Some might “act out” in order to get what they want or it can cause a lot of tension and dissention in the group.

Sandra’s idea of “joining” is very cool and in some ways we operate like this as well. She says it’s a concept that her system came up with, “a midway point between cooperation and integration”. Everyone stays as who they are but work together to handle things and function. Usually the “host” or Outside Person is out most of the time but still gets input from the others Inside. So the group works together and ensures the system functions well but each alter is available to handle any crises that comes up.

Okay so what about integration? For many multiples it is what they choose and what they so desire. They may hate being multiple and want to be like most people – a singleton. What it means is they meld into one personality, where the alters do not exist separately anymore. Each one’s talents and abilities are not lost but combined. Sometimes integration happens on its own. It did for some of us and that was fine. Sometimes alters who are very similar and have similar functions may choose to integrate.

A few last words about consolidation or integration or whatever ... This from “Safe Passage to Healing” by Chrystine Oksana.

“One definition [of integration] is, ‘Bringing previously dissociated material into consciousness, mastering it, and making it part of accessible experiential reference and memory,’ as stated by Caryn StarDancer in SurvivorShip”. For us that means, and it is also a goal for us, is that we bring all of our experiences together and be able to share them with each other so that we have them to draw on and move forward with in our life.

“When forced, integration rarely takes hold.” That is definitely what we believe. If the therapist has this as their only agenda and will not accept anything else then his or her client may be screwed and the integration will not work. In fact, it may, in the long term, make things worse. Abuse is about force and using force on someone who is vulnerable is abuse of power. It is a continuation of abuse and is not healing.

“Integration is only one of many possible outcomes of healing. For some multiples the goal of recovery is to learn how to function effectively as a multiple. Many experts are increasingly recognizing that the goal of recovery is co-consciousness, communication, and cooperation rather than integration.”

“Our system instinctively knew what to do to survive. It also knows what is needed to heal.”

“Recovery should feel like a celebration and reunion.”

Yes. Definitely.