"Crystal (Pieces) Make Music"
drawing by Katy Ann for Crystal
[Warning: some language may be offensive and some things triggering]
August/1996: We sure have changed in some way over the past year. Gone to such a deep place Inside, a place where doors are harder to open, information seems packed down into hard dry earth. Even I, Shell (1, 2), don’t talk as much as I used to. I don’t want to. This is a “me” I don’t know very well. A “shell” cracked open. Unfamiliar. My sense is that the quietness is a preparation for the next step, for moving out into the world. Moving out and being in the Outside world in a new way. A new person. Different than 6 years ago.
It took all of those weeks in the BFL group to remind us that our journey has been very spiritual and profound. Being spiritual means living a life that is richer, deeper, expansive, beyond our own self, connected to all beings, all things. When we feel spiritual, we feel connected to our power animals, connected to all souls and life becomes extremely fascinating. The borders that keep us confined are no longer there. The walls fade away as if they had been simple mirages.
We understand that there is so much that we can’t control but we do have many choices as to how to respond to life events. That is where the “control” is. We can choose to be open and “receive”, to let in what happens around us and in us. We can choose to discard, ignore, or choose to be curious and explore. We can choose to respond or not respond.
We are getting closer now to the new “us”.
-----
Working on the presentation for October requires much hard work and brings up things deep within us. Stuff that we in The Front are not so aware of. The earth is being prepared for new seeds, new growth. Rich dark soil.
The Source (8) pushing us up up up. Spirit emerging, spirit rising.
Sarah McLachlan sings “all the fear has left me now. I’m not frightened anymore.” And “peace, in the struggle to find peace. Comfort on the way to comfort.” Oh we thank her for those words.
-----
Another level beyond The Core-Mirror. It is Level 14 and there lies two more – The Source. Where we come from.
We have moved once again, broke down another wall and we are now able to work on our presentation and with much excitement.
-----
I don’t know exactly what happened yesterday. I know that at one point things were opening up and we felt just great. Immense power. But somewhere in there things fell apart. At least for me-Shell they did.
Angéla (5) talked to a friend of ours on the phone. I was Inside then, my head all screwed up, short-circuiting. I do recall at times during the day things felt very painful. And way too much energy for me to handle.
Angéla is obsessed and terrified and preoccupied with death. Some days it feel as if we actually are dying of a disease and we have only a short time to live. I know I feel fear like that at times. But for Angéla it is much worse. She freaks out about it.
-----
And another. His name is Dog-God (5). The Jackal (5) created him. Angéla was there at the time.
-----
Heléna (5) finally came out yesterday in the session with Lyn. She also lives “outside” the Web. Angéla took her there a long time ago. Angéla has kept many secrets about the abuse. She saw so much. She watched and listened for everything. Although both live outside the Web Angéla comes back in daily and also makes contact a lot with the Outside world. She wants to know her environment well, to know all the rules and how to play so you stay out of trouble.
Heléna is not like that. She is more obsessed, but not frightened, with death than Angéla is. Heléna lays in a black coffin, white satin lining, with Death’s arms lovingly wrapped around her, as if keeping her from all things dangerous. Heléna is afraid of life. Angéla is afraid of death. Death is always an option for Heléna. At times Angéla is very tempted because she feels so much pain. Heléna feels nothing at all – though she calls it “peaceful”, Angéla does not think it is. She sees Heléna as numb, “dead” in her soul, no feelings.
Ruth Ann (5) said Angéla created MEA (8) because of her anger towards Serena and The Jackal (5). That’s not true.
Some of you think this is very funny but its not. Ruth Ann is going to rip the Web open, right at the Hole in the Fence. She can destroy us. she will do it by hurting Raven (3). She is very angry because she thinks Angéla is lying about Heléna and everyone agrees with them.
Ruth Ann is very dangerous to us. she is a fucking troublemaker!! Get Serena and Jackal to do something!!!!
----
Yes and on our soap opera goes in these pages.
Ruth Ann is angry because the twins did not help Serena the way they were meant to. Angéla was angry about how she and Heléna were created. I think Ruth Ann is very jealous of Angéla’s courage and strength. Some of us have another name for Ruth Ann à MoreDread like King Arthur’s brother, Mordred.
MoreDread has red hair like Patience (1) and her eyes glow a venomous green. She lives behind the Core-Mirror most of the time. She can be vicious and cruel. She holds a grail for us though. She can help us too. she sits at the bottom of The Core, underneath a pool of water. Look down into the pool and you will see her staring back up at you. Her green eyes glare back. She looks like a green monster in there. She also holds a mirror. It faces the Core-Mirror. There are 3 mirrors within the Levels. Level One has The Observers’ (1) mirror. Level Thirteen is The Core-Mirror and Level Fourteen, The Source is at the bottom of The Core and there is the third mirror.
It is much too hard to work on our presentation. Too much going on Inside. So much information coming through. Plus someone thinks that Lyn has gone for good. But she’s only on vacation. They don’t seem to understand that she is coming back. They think this is some kind of end.
Let none of us be known now.
Let not our face to show
but rather wear the mask
of lost identity.
This soul expands outward
spreading like a fire
flames grabbing at
the farthest stars beyond.
This soul implodes,
inward,
curling up on itself
to form a seed
waiting.
Let none of us be known now.
Let not our face to show
as it was
in the beginning
No Self.
The Observers close up tight. Levels 2 to 14 become inaccessible to all but them.
No comments:
Post a Comment