"The Dream Seed (Julia with Tir) - Housing the Creative"
[WARNING: Some things may be triggering]
Our defences have weakened and The Daerke seeps in as we are pulled into it at the same time. The Daerke is those things that happened long ago. We fall into remembering. It affects Raven (3), our body, too. We become more clumsy, fumbling with things, less coordinated, reflexes slower, stumbling, tripping and banging our feet on things. Our very cells are what’s causing all this. Cells awakening, jolted by the piece each one carries.
The Ice Lilies are bad things I find out. Tubes of cold water in a room that is cold, hard, mechanical. They are filled with messages not to tell. There will be worse than this if you tell. Do you hear me Child? If you must remember something, then remember this. Remember not to tell.
And three are created, hard forms, cold and unfeeling like the machines in the room. But underneath the surface are others who carry the tears of pain, the rage, the hurt and the terrible despair. The Blue Ones (6st) will carry the emotions for the ones who cannot. Pour them onto the Stoene, which is frozen in time. Tears fill up the Iew Sae, in which live Reed (6st), Caere (6st) and The Fossils (6st).
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May 11, 1997. Summer is not far away. There are some of us who love summer. When we were a child it meant we could get outside of the house and play. Although others often preferred to play at home alone, others wanted out. Sometimes it was still solitary play. One of our favourite games was throwing a ball against the wall on the porch. Red, white and blue smacking against the red brick. Each one you call out “Sevensies, sixies, fivesies, foursies, threesies, twosies, onesies.” Funny words. Each one a different action. Different things you must perform. Each round got harder and harder until you couldn’t do it anymore. Then you had to start all over.
Even just sitting on the front porch in the warm summer sun. Oh it was heaven. Out there where everyone could see. No harm done to us then. And sit and read. Devour books whole. Nancy Drew. Trixie Belden. Farley Mowat – “Lost in the Barrens”. Sometimes friends came and we would set up our little card table with nursery rhyme pictures in each corner on the front lawn. The old woman who lived in a shoe in the center. There we would do plays. Oh it was delicious then.
But Serena (5) and others in her group did not, and still do not, like the sun very much. It scares Serena most of all. Makes it hard for her to breathe with the remembering of what happened to her. She hates sweat.
There is a building where we used to live, down by the market. On the phone, our mother says our stepfather used to take us there. She was suspicious. The building has been in our dreams from time to time. Dark and big. Like a warehouse. Click and into place comes something. Remembering. Some think our mother was programmed in some way. Can this be possible or true? Or were we tricked?
Someone keeps repeating the “Lord’s Prayer”. Our father who art in heaven. Over and over.
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Dance therapy. We tell them we are multiple. Finally. We can’t keep it in anymore and it matters a lot that we tell. We want to show who we are. We want people to know. The group is fine with the information. Acceptance and relief. We tell them about the wall we keep hitting too when we dance, when we are to “perform”. Today we push past it just a little. Tir (1) is able to dance a little more freely.
Caere out with Lance. Glad he’s back. She didn’t know that Lance has a place on Galiano. They are going to put stars on our bedroom ceiling for Caere to see, and a connection between her and him.
The building haunts us now. Full of memories. Some told in a session with Lyn. Some still there filling us with such intense fear and pain.
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