Aug 7, 1997: The Codes (6mf) are apparently becoming more present and on the surface again, after feeling so lost since our Saturday session a week ago with Lyn. There is more fear and depression again though.
There is an obsessive pull towards grids, matrices, chemicals, minerals, cells, codes and numbers lately. We head to the library thinking about getting books on something like mathematics, logarithms or computer programming. A strong magnetic pull. But on the way to the library, we decide to stop in at a bookstore. We come across one called “Tao of Chaos”. A book about the genetic code, I-Ching, binary codes, structures in DNA as well as in spiders’ webs. All about numbers and patterns. All of these things that Archimedes (4) dwells on. Absolute synchronicity. So we buy the book.
We have been doing I-Ching readings lately. Today we get “not prepared to see clearly what must be done and take the final steps into the future”. That seems very accurate. Afraid to finish with The Codes and all that they remember and are about.
We are also making cards for each one of us with information such as name, age, gender, emerge date, who created us and purpose of our creation. It leads us into new information which is bringing up more feelings – grief, less denial and more acknowledgement. On the other hand it is exciting to see how our system was built.
And ... the group of us called Art-Works is working on a drawing called “The Still Tangled Web” that shows the intricate knots we still feel ourself to be in. Beneath it, interestingly, is an 8x8 grid – both the genetic code and the I-Ching can sit in that grid. The book we bought will lead us further into understanding that.
We have been asking “What’s the point?” lately. Actually for a long time now, since we attend the group at BFL. There may not be an answer, at least not a fixed one, or maybe one day we will come up with one. But right now it moves on and who knows, we may ask it again tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that ....
So what is the point? What is the point of life? What is the point of living a life? What is the point of doing anything, of striving towards something? Where is it we are trying to go? What is it we are trying to reach? It’s a cliff edge that we jump off of and then ... do we fly or fall?
I guess what we are really asking is what is the meaning of our life? How do we make sense of living? How do we make sense of our own life? What is our destination or should we focus more on the journey and not worry so much about the arrival?
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Our period starts and the cramps are really painful. More than usual. This triggers Stoene Boy (6st) and he comes out writhing, kicking and crying. We shift the pain to others who can stand it and allow the physical then the emotional pain. The wound is down so deep inside of us. Inside our womb. The Woem Stoene
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It’s that time of year again. Some of us dread it. Almost the end of August and we can smell autumn just around the corner. It is August 21 and it rains after a very long spell of hot weather. The rain is what triggers us into fall and it is extremely painful and depressing. Every year, or almost every year, this happens. For The Codes it was the ending of their abuse but for others of us, going back to school is intensely frightening and depressing. As if being returned to prison after a wonderful summer holiday. Agonizing. Dread. We often get sick at this time of year too. Usually a cold.
There are still some who love the fall however. Fresh breezes and the smell of apples. Leaves that fall and are crisp to walk on. The texture and smell of warmer clothes, covering your relaxed summer skin. Corduroy and sweaters. The thought of Halloween and football, Thanksgiving and eventually Christmas. A time to burrow deep into the ground and leave summer far behind you. A dream in the past.
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We buy some pastels and a new sketch book and Art-Works does a great picture. Wonderful colours and the whole page filled in. A sense of completeness about it. It is a picture of the Iew Sae and black stars in a night sky.
I think it happened Tuesday, two days ago, that we were surrounded by a thick blue wall.
The Blue Glass Wall – as Mainframe opens its doors to all of us, we move to be enclosed by it. At least we are all together and protected by it. The Blue Ones (6mf) were asked to create the wall with their tears and the water from the Iew Sae.
Diving deeper every day.
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