Tuesday, November 15, 2011

210 VICTORIA & ATIVAN & RAGE TOWARDS OUT STEPDAD



Nov/97
Victoria (6mf) took 15 Ativan over the course of the day yesterday. Whew! No hospital though. She also banged our hand more. Nothing broken though simply minor swelling.

This past week has been incredible. Intense with the rage towards our stepdad. Victoria has banged our hand so many times trying to break at least one bone, one snap of anger to satisfy her need. She seems to feel the need for this expression more than anyone else Inside and she has taken so much Ativan in a day putting us out of our pain for a while when she can no longer bear it. It may have been about 13 yesterday, 15 or more the day before. Some of us worry about the long term effects of both the pounding on our hand and taking so much Ativan. The one thing Ativan does is put us to sleep for about 12 hours a day. A time to rest and recuperate from the truth of what has happened as it sinks in sinks in sinks in.

Last night Victoria waited anxiously for Graham to go out so she could vent more of her rage. She pounds on the bed and Voice-Mercury (6mf) yells with her, yells at our stepfather. Victoria still feels compelled to hit our hand on the trunk and says she won’t be happy until a bone has been broken. I don’t think any has broken yet but the hand is swollen and bruised and looks a mess. She’s proud of that!


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